This and That

April 27, 2011

A Husband’s perspective on CSA

Filed under: emotions, kids, Rant — Tags: , , — yaadayaada @ 9:58 am

This is a guest post by Yaadayaada’s husband! This post is not moderated or seen by yaadayaada as yet!!

This one is for you yaada yaada!! I will always love and support you.

I have been reading some of the blogs posted as a part of CSA Awareness month. So I thought I will write my first blog as a means
of expressing my support and solidarity for this cause and also as the smallest possible thing I can give my wife yaadayaada who
has been a victim of this.

As a kid I have been completely impervious and fortunately away from such monstrosity!! These people who dare do such acts of
depravity are not human beings. Even animals do not stoop down to such levels. So there is no place in the living world for such
creatures!

Unfortunately I am not as tolerant and I can’t turn a blind eye to this. So I often argue with yaadayaada that she should confront
the person who dared to abuse her! But I respect her decision and her argument that it should be the abuser who should be
ashamed and feel bad about it.

I am the kind of person who sees a lot of things in black and white. I know the real world is not that way. But I still feel that it will
give me a closure if I can confront such horrible people. Granted they most likely will not face it or accept it. But if I feel it gives me
a closure, I will not hesitate to do this. This does not work for every person who is abused and they will have to deal with it the way
they feel right.

I dont want to talk about what we can do to prevent it, as I feel there are lots of people here who have given multiple opinions on
that matter and I completely agree with all of them. I don’t think I can add anything more in this aspect.

All I want to say is, I cannot describe the feeling of disgust I have for such folks! I have always felt so damn helpless when we
(yaadayaada and I) talk about this topic. I feel that we can never come to conclusion on what can be done to prevent or to confront
people who do this (especially when the people who do such things are in your trusted circle). I would treat them (left to me) no
different than a person who would have been a stranger in this case. All I can do is to listen to her(yaadayaada) and feel bad and
sorry for the fact that she had to go through it.

So husbands or spouses, please be supportive to all folks who have been victims and give them their space so that they can deal
with it the way they feel best. This is the least that we can do for our loved ones.

Always, be on the lookout for suspicious activity even if it is not your own child or kid. Hopefully we can at least make such devils think
that they are alway being watched. If it was left to me I will create a bulletin board and put the photographs of every such monster
and publish it for the world to see and criticize. This applies to friends and family as well, not just strangers who do this. In my
opinion, if a person can stoop down to such level, they cease to be friend or a family to me. I don’t even want to be unknowingly
talking and socializing with them.

My heart felt sympathies to all those who had to go through this. I cannot even begin to describe my feelings against such lowly
souls of the society! If there is anything at all I can do to help this awareness spread I will be more than happy to give a helping
hand.

Thanks to whoever started this and to all the folks who have taken the time to write their opinions on this topic.
Vijay

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12 Comments »

  1. Wow! Thanks! I know I can always count on you!

    Comment by yaadayaada — April 27, 2011 @ 2:08 pm

  2. Thank you so much for this post! Here is hoping that many, many spouses of abuse victims read this.

    Comment by csaawarenessmonth — April 28, 2011 @ 5:07 am

  3. Well said, V. Wish the world was indeed black and white. Most of the time, one does nt know if the confrontation is going to bring closure or cause more heart ache. Hence the dilemma. Like Sis said in her post, everyone has to choose their own path. Theres no one size fits all kinds of solution for such issues.

    Thanks for the support.

    Comment by B o o. — April 28, 2011 @ 7:13 am

  4. I guess I am one of the lucky few to have escaped with just the usual groping, pinching etc. Weird that I have to call myself ‘lucky’ for that. But.. I can’t even imagine someone in my trusted circle doing something like that. Big hugs to you YY. You come across as a full-of-smiles cheery and optimistic person and I feel so sad that you have had to face so much. And, V, we’ld be better off with more people like you!

    Comment by Reva — April 28, 2011 @ 5:54 pm

    • Thanks Reva! I refuse to let whatever happened to me define who I am. As simple as that statement sounds, it is not easy to follow. As for what I went through, it is nothing compared to some of the nightmarish stories I read in the CSAA blog.

      Comment by yaadayaada — April 28, 2011 @ 7:52 pm

      • I know.. the stuff I am reading on CSAA blog is making me shudder. Who would do that to children? I am glad I didn’t have to go through that as a kid. What I went through was hard to come to terms with… It takes a lot of courage to be where you are YY. Admire you for that!

        Comment by Reva — April 29, 2011 @ 7:06 am

  5. […] Read the full post to get yaadayaada’s husband perspective here She was about 14 years old then. It was a hot summer day. Her school was closed that day to allow the students to prepare for the fast approaching annual exams. She was a straight A student. She wanted to stay home and prepare for her exams. But her mother and father were not convinced that she could stay home all alone for an entire day. Both of them had to go to work and her younger sister had to go to school. Her parents have been arguing all morning (nothing new there because they argue all the time) about leaving her alone at home. Read the full post by seashell here […]

    Pingback by To Sum It Up – 21 « CSA Awareness Month — April 29, 2011 @ 8:15 am

  6. u r very lucky yaadayaada

    Comment by Nidhi — April 29, 2011 @ 8:40 am

  7. to have someone as V as ure husband..

    Comment by Nidhi — April 29, 2011 @ 8:41 am

  8. I , like many women have a lot of reasons to hate Men, for the way they treat us, for the way they hurt us and so much more. But men like you and my husband and other good men in our families, who love us, care for us and be with us in our most difficult times, give me reasons not generalize the hatred but to hate only the men who hurt us.

    It gives me the confidence to trust men again.

    I am so happy for yaadayaada for having you in her life.

    I hope and wish that all survivors are blessed with supportive and loving partners in their life.

    Comment by M — April 29, 2011 @ 2:50 pm

    • M, Yup! As much as I don’t want to trust any man, there are a few who have been very nice and makes me believe again in the goodness of mankind.

      Comment by yaadayaada — April 29, 2011 @ 7:20 pm

  9. Thanks Everyone for the kind comments. With all the work that is being done as a part of CSAA and other such initiatives, I am sure future would be brighter for the kids. I sure hope we also soon have some form of legal initiative done in India for this. Me and Yaadayaada will be there to help out on any such initiative as much as we can.
    -V

    Comment by V — May 1, 2011 @ 6:34 am


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