This and That

April 25, 2011

CSAA – What it means to me?

Filed under: emotions, kids — Tags: , , — yaadayaada @ 8:59 pm


A bunch of questions come to my mind as soon as I came to know about CSAA blogathon. Some of the questions were directed to me and some of them stemmed from my mind. So I am going to start listing the questions with my answers.

1. Am I a CSAA survivor?
* Yes I am.
2. How do Ideal with it? How has it changed me?
* Tell my self almost every day that it is not my fault. I shouldn’t feel bad for a sec since the person who should feel bad is the abuser and not me. I tell myself that I refuse to feel bad since I am not the one to blame. My parents, guardians, the abusers are to be blamed. Not me. Is it easy? No. But I try my level best not to be a victim. I watch my nieces, friend’s kids like a hawk when they are around adults. Don’t trust any adult. Well, don’t blame me for that. Blame my abuser.
3. As a non-parent and a CSA survivor, what is my advice to parents/guardians?
* Be aware. Don’t take CSA lightly. Don’t trust blindly. Please talk to your children about what is safe and what is not. Make sure you make the other parents around you aware of CSA.
* As children who grew up in India, most of us have endured, the groping, staring, flashed, pinched, spanked while in buses,bicycles, streets, etc. They do have an impact in a child’s life, but that is nothing compared to being abused by a trusted friend, uncle, parent, grandparent etc.
* Public sexual abuse – it is easier for a parent to take actions. It can be prevented or handled by escorting the kids, talking to them about public safety, empowering them to be vocal about it when they are being abused in public and also equip them with pepper spray, safety pins and the likes. (As much as it sounds harsh, believe me when I say, safety pins work like a magic in public space.) I say it is easier to handle because it is easier for a human being to attack a stranger much easily than a known devil. Take blogging for example. How many of us are taunted by anonymous trolls?
* Abuse by someone in trusted circle – it is a different beast. It is very confusing even for adults, leave alone the children. Let us first see if we can prevent it. Very difficult to prevent since it is typically someone the parents trust and tell the children that they can trust them. If it is a parent who is abusing, it gets even more complicated. Can a woman be an abuser? Much to the shock of most of us, Yes they can be, although a smaller percentage. It is very difficult to prevent unless you live in a bubble with your children with an assumption you, yourself is not an abuser. So now that preventing is almost out of the question, let us see what we can do? Being aware. Empowering our children to yell, shout, scream, the second they feel uncomfortable. Keeping the communication channel open with our children. Always being very supportive to our children. Never dismiss any of their concerns regarding this issue. Make sure they understand that it is not their fault. Listen, listen, listen!
4. What would like to say to the survivors?
* Hang in there! It is not your fault. It never will be. Take one day at a time. And again, you are not at fault.
5. For everyone else, who wants to give you their 2 cents
* Each person’s experience is different, unless you have gone through what I have, please keep your opinions and suggestions to yourself. You have no right to tell me what to do, how to react. Each person deals with it differently. As long as that person is not harming anyone else, it is the right way for them. So if you have listening ears listen, be supportive and move on. Just because I am a victim, don’t expect me to be a crusader, CSAA advocate. I will do what I want, when I want. If I want to live a normal life and live in denial, that is my choice.
6. What frustrates me the most?
* Parents who are not aware
* Parents who don’t listen to their children
* We have laws to protect animals, but no laws to protect our children from this menace. How shameful! I am not saying if we pass the law, it will prevent this completely, but even if it scares even one abuser away, it is well worth passing it

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9 Comments »

  1. Well said! *applauds*

    Comment by B o o. — April 25, 2011 @ 9:25 pm

  2. most of us have endured, the groping, staring, flashed, pinched, spanked while in buses,bicycles, streets, etc. They do have an impact in a child’s life, but that is nothing compared to being abused by a trusted friend, uncle, parent, grandparent etc.

    Thanks for an insightful post, Yaadayaada. How you deal with CSA is of course your choice.

    Comment by csaawarenessmonth — April 26, 2011 @ 3:19 am

  3. “Abuse by someone in trusted circle – it is a different beast.”

    I agree. The groping and flashing nonsense, from my perspective one moves on. It is by a stranger and you yell, move away in essence do something about it. But when it is the trusted circle, it is hard to get beyond it. Nightmarish.

    Comment by utbtkids — April 27, 2011 @ 6:07 pm

  4. […] Read yaadayaada’s full post here […]

    Pingback by To Sum It Up – 20 « CSA Awareness Month — April 28, 2011 @ 11:40 am

  5. Great post!

    Comment by Deepa — April 28, 2011 @ 2:04 pm

  6. very well written

    Comment by Nidhi — April 29, 2011 @ 4:36 am

  7. *hugs*

    Comment by revsjoiedevivre — May 1, 2011 @ 4:40 am


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